Although the most acute judges of the witches and even the witches themselves, were convinced of the guilt of witchery, the guilt nevertheless was non-existent. It is thus with all guilt.... Nietzsche
To me religion is basically a massive competition to see who can convince themselves of the most unlikely, stupid ideas possible. Honestly, I truly believe I could start a religion worshiping bat shit, "Yes my students, I will now teach you the sacred wisdom of bat shit" hand out some
flyer's, and make a website and
I'd have a 1000 retards at my door giving me all their money and begging me to teach them all about bat shit. I would profess myself as the "Bat Shit Overlord," sent by the "Bat Shit god" to preach to humankind and spread the gospel of bat shit. "Oh bat shit overlord, why do we suffer?" they would ask, and I would reply "You suffer because you do not pray hard enough to the bat shit." You see the trick is even if you're praying to something as seemingly absurd as bat shit eventually something good will happen according to the law of averages, so, being the bat shit overlord I would say "Ha! you see, something good happened to you, PRAISE BAT SHIT
HALLELUJAH!" Do you not see the genius in this! If bad stuff happens its because you didn't follow the doctrine of bat shit, or it means that the Bat Shit God is testing your faith and took a big bat shit on you. If something good happens, that means that the Bat Shit god is rewarding your gullible stupid ass. Then
I'd throw them a
curve ball....I'd tell my flock about...
Spanky..... the Bat Shit Devil, "Yes, my pupils, you must beware of the evil Bat Shit Devil....
Spanky" my flock of retards would shriek in horror at first, then they would come to the realization that it's not their fault that they're a bunch of worthless fucks, because....its......its
Spanky's fault,
Spanky the Bat Shit Devil made me do it! And actually this notion would give them a sense of self worth, because they'd reason " Wow,
I'm so fucking important, that the Bat Shit God and the Bat Shit Devil, take time out of running the Cosmos and keeping the planets in orbit to make sure that I score a touchdown, or get tricked into killing my whole family," and the whole time
I'd be trying not to laugh at these deluded, arrogant saps. Before long "Bat Shit miracles" would happen! Reporters from Fox News would be converging on the site of a man with a potato chip containing the image of a piece of bat shit on it, People would flock to Jamaica to bathe in pools of holy bat shit water to cure their cancer. Eventually different peoples would fight bat shit jihads over trivial disagreements about bat shit dogma. Then to complete my ruse, yup you guessed it, I would write the "Bat Shit Bible" "Thank you Bat Shit Overlord!" they would exclaim, "Now we don't have to think anymore, thank you Bat Shit God!" By definition this "Bat Shit bible" wouldn't need to make any sense, nor would you want it to, because this way when anybody starts questioning it you just say "It doesn't make any sense to you because you are a mere mortal, only a child of the all knowing Bat Shit God, it's beyond your understanding and purposely makes absolutely no sense, while contradicting itself every other paragraph because the Bat Shit God wants to see whether or not you have the stupidity....er... I mean faith to believe such nonsense.
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