Anti-Douchebag Legislation

The last thing that i'm going to do is join the long line of nitwits involved in glamorizing prison, prison life, prison rape (well sort of I am) and all other of the bogus stereotypes portrayed in popular culture, because the reality behind it is so much more fascinating and far less trite for sure. But what I want to express, or address rather, are things that society on the outside could learn from the goings on, on the inside. The ideas that I am about to impart were not born in prison, but in the free world opposite the razor wire but unfortunately have been swept aside and long forgotten. I refer to this most important theory as the "Fear of an ass whooping." It is so elegant in it's simplicity and potential to shut some pricks mouth. If you ask the random person off of the street about what his preconceived notions about prisoners in state penitentiary's are, most likely he will reply about what savages they must be, a bunch of primitive, troglodytic ( is this a word?) part-time homosexual jerks. Let me tell you, this person would be mostly wrong indeed. In fact if an ordinary person were able to go undercover onto the average prison yard and observe the behavior displayed by every convict he would be absolutely shocked to say the least because everybody is so goddamn polite and respectful in prison, you could literally leave your cell door wide open and put all your shit on the doorstep and go to work and....... nobody would have dared to touch it! But how can this be you might ask? Has everyone been mislead about Compton, have the Nazi Low Riders been perfidiously libeled all these years? How is it that if one inmate even comes close to getting in another inmates way they will both race to say "excuse me" first, shouldn't they be raping, robbing, and pillaging each other? The answer is no and i'll tell you why. THEY ARE SCARED OF GETTING THEIR ASS WHOOPED. If by chance you were to observe an inmate walking around with two black eyes you would be noticing an intricate prison hieroglyph, I will translate it for you: it means "I decided to run my big fucking mouth and this is my reward." And it gets better! Hypothetically speaking, let's say some convict had lost his mind and chose to steal an item from a fellow prisoner and had the misfortue of getting caught. First, the inmate who had the object stolen from him would calmly imbed a couple of razors into a toothbrush (this is known as a "Tomahawk") and then perfunctorily rake the device repeatedly across said inmates face until correctional officers beat him off with billy clubs. So, what would giant razor scars across an inmates face imply? Once again I shall translate, it means: "I am a fucking thief or that I like to molest children." At first all this might seem barbaric but in reality it is proactive, it is game theory at it's finest. Let me put it this way: Prisoner A is broke, prisoner A needs a soap dish, prisoner A sees a soap dish in the shower that someone has mistakenly forgotten. Prisoner A has two choices, he can either steal the soap dish or he can leave it alone. 99% of the time prisoner A's thought process will go something like this: "A soap dish is good but not getting killed over a soap dish is even better." So where am I going with all this? The problem with society is that nobody is scared of getting their ass whooped and this is why everyone acts like an asshole. Obviously nobody is going to condone one person stabbing the other, but a good ass whooping is known to be highly, highly therapeutic as has been well documented in the various medical fields as a potential cure for strains of "self-entitled prickitus." I want to start a grassroots petition to send to the U.S congress telling them to quit obsessing about some obscure ruling Sotomayor handed down in 1987 and pass a bill legalizing ass whoopings. Watch the wave of attitude adjustments that would sweep the country, "Uh, you mean the police won't save me anymore if I decide to run my fucking mouth?" Nope, you are now suject to getting knocked the fuck out. What a utopia we could create my friends! Here's another hypothetical situation to further my argument: You're standing in a long line at Walmart waiting your turn patiently when along comes someone whom I'll refer to as "Asshole A." Asshole A is immensely impressed with himself, he graduated from San Diego State, drives a Sebring convertable, he has three children named after days of the week, and types of fruit and has a Blutooth attached to both ears because he wants everyone to know how goddamn important he is. He get's it into his head that he shouldn't have to wait in line like everyone else so he just cuts right in front of you. You laugh to yourself knowingly and cold cock his punk ass in the back of his head, he falls to the ground in a heap at which point you get him in the "full mount position" and proceed to pound his cock-holster with your elbow until he stops squirming and then you calmly drag this piece of shit to the back of the line and move on with your day. This concept as I alluded to earlier is nothing new, back in the wild west if you wanted to pop off at the mouth someone would put a revolver bullet in it, Aaron Burr got tired of Alexander Hamiltons' mouth so he challenged him to a duel and popped a cap in his ass legally. Nowadays as an American you're not allowed to beat or shoot someone unless they live in the Middle East let's get rid of our assholes first and then we can work on assholes in Iraq........